Why Subjunctive Morality? In grammar, a subjunctive construction is one that conveys an unreal state, and in language, morality is an abstract idea representing rightness of action (and possibly thought). Given that behavior matching this ideal is far from ubiquitous, we maintain an element of subjunctivity in the moral sphere. Additionally, because I reject the notion of moral relativism, Subjunctive Morality is also appropriate in that the word subjunctive vaguely resembles (but isn’t) subjective. This is an excellent analog for the idea that even though morality is conditional and may thus be misconstrued as subjective, we can and do use objective measures to gauge it. This is a crucial distinction, and it also reveals that I enjoy puns. I’m not quite sure how puns tie into the virtues of Humanism, critical thinking, and skepticism, but I’m sure I could come up with an amusing post-hoc rationalization if pressed. Well, in any case, hooray for reason, and boo for outdated notions rooted in superstition and dogma.